In the Midst of Beautiful Chaos

This weekend I was part of a holiday fashion show. It was my first time modeling on the runway and I was pretty sure I didn't measure up. From the minute I walked into the open casting call two weeks previous to the show I felt less than typical as a model. It was insane how quickly my mind focused on and emphasized my physical features and inadequacies. In a healthy sense I have no problem with this to a point because I believe it is important to take care of our bodies. But there is a line and I definitely crossed it. When I found out I was in the show I really started going mentally crazy wondering how I could drop 5 pounds in a week by starvation or any method possible. My competitive nature came out and I focused on getting my body ready to compete with the other skinnier models hitting the catwalk with me. I even considered giving up my addiction to Starbucks!! But only for a second.

When I arrived at the venue on Saturday I was nervous. My rapid weight loss strategy had simply failed because I like food and Starbucks too much!:) My nerves worsened as the other models started showing up. I felt like they easily showed me up!! For the first part of the evening that preceded the show, I considered leaving, not lining up, etc. But finally decided to follow through with my commitment and face my fear. I faded into the background while the photographers snapped all the beauties in action. Everyone seemed more interested in where the photographers were and being in the shot with the "VIP's" than in anything else. As I observed the other ladies it was easy to see they had put much emphasis on developing and maintaining their exterior beauty. However the level of alcohol consumption steadily increased as the minutes ticked down to show time which made me wonder if perhaps some of these girls also had hidden insecurities with themselves.

When we finally lined up to strut our stuff on stage (two hours late!) I still wasn't feeling super confident. I was ready to get it over with but worried about being the fool of the show. And then it happened. One of the experienced models stumbled off stage almost falling. And she wasn't the last one that did so. That's when it hit me. A piece of knowledge conveniently misplaced in the midst of beautiful chaos. I knew who I was...and whether beauty showed up on the outside or not I have spent much time developing it on the inside. I could confidently do this with the inner poise I have developed over the years. With that in mind I stepped on the stage and struck my first of three poses. By the grace of God, someone caught a good shot!! And while a look of trepidation still lingers in my eyes I think in the modeling world that can be mistaken for a sultry look or attitude? Ha!:) And that's what I'm going with!
DISCLAIMER: My writing is based on generalizations and assumptions of the ladies I observed. The statements included are solely my opinion. And I should say the friend of mine who got me involved in this event is a model who is a classy individual in every aspect. Thanks for the friendship and experience Sahsha!;)