Communicated? Understood? Neither or both?

Do you ever just wish that someone could look inside your head and understand your heart? Then you wouldn't have to find all the right words to communicate it...And possibly be misunderstood, misinterpreted, etc.

I wished that today but part of the journey is the communication and the growth that occurs from it. So I guess that just leaves me to keep on trying:).

XO

A Second Chance to Make a New Impression

You only get one chance to make a first impression or so they say...But I've been thinking a lot about this lately and I've found it to hold a degree of falsehood. I think almost always we are given a second chance to make a new impression. Let me explain my theory.

We just got back from a much needed vacation in Mexico without our kids. When booking we picked a Five Golden Apple Square deal with Apple Vacations. What that meant is that we were guaranteed a level of amenities, service and satisfaction but the Apple travel agents booked our hotel at the last minute at one of the resorts that had vacancy. We looked through the book and decided that most of the Five Golden Apple resorts looked perfect - there were just two we weren't super interested in due to beach accessibility and location. Surprise of all surprises we were booked at one of those two.

Upon arriving we discovered the room we were booked in had two double beds and a view of the jungle. We were hoping for at least a queen bed and a distant view of the ocean. So first impressions - not so good but we were already there and decided to make the most of it. We gave them a second chance to change our first impression and it I'm glad we did. We ended up having a GREAT vacation. We discovered the service and food at that resort were top quality and that we really didn't spend any time in our room except when we were so exhausted that sleep was inevitable whether we were on a King bed or a double.

Life is what you make of it so many times. And I think if we only allow people, places, etc. one chance to make a first impression then we will miss out on all the other things that don't come to the surface on introductions. I wouldn't trade our vacation for a 5 star resort for the world because I learned something and that is more than just relaxing and getting away. That is enjoying life!

MUAH!!

Mother's Day...In the Park

I am blessed to have such a wonderful husband and family! We woke up early on Mother's Day so the kids and Eric could take me out to a nice breakfast and my favorite Starbucks coffee. I wasn't super excited for the early rising but what I would have missed if I had snoozed for another 45 minutes...

Breakfast was WONDERFUL and so was the Starbucks coffee that followed. But we still had time to kill in between breakfast and church (about 45 minutes), so we decided to take the kids to a park. We found a beautiful park just up the street from our church. It was one of those moments that you can't plan for but when you arrive, there is magic. We walked around the park and the kids chased ducks and geese. Megan picked dandelions and climbed hills. Ben found sticks and rocks and leaves and shook trees. And we were just together in the sun - and it was beautiful to my soul.

I realized at that park that if I never woke up to see another day I could not ask for more out of this life. Sure there are still things I want to do and achieve, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty I have all that I want and need and much more. That was truly the BEST Mother's Day gift...A self-realization that life is as beautiful and as fragile as a flower. It buds, it grows, it blooms and then it shines just perfectly before fading away... Think about that...

XO

Deep Thoughts about Myspace

I know all of you must sit around and wonder about me so here's a peek in my brain for those of you who are curious about my thoughts with regards to Myspace.

1. I'm wasting a lot of time on myspace - how do you break the addiction?

2. What is the definition of a myspace "friend"? Cause, John Mayer is one of mine:)!

3. I'm finding people (and people are finding me) who I'm not sure I would have seen or talked to without myspace and,

4. I've discovered that friendships really CAN stand the test of time...and complete absense:).

5. Isn't it hard not to take it personally if you are in a "friends" top list and they demote your position or promote it...:)? Or does anyone besides me pay attention to that?

6. What determines people's order for top "friends"?

7. Sometimes my only social activity for the day outside of my children and hubby is on myspace.

8. Who else looks at layouts ALL the time like me? I need some new sites that are good:).

9. Do you ever wonder if anyone is really stopping in and listening to your favorite song posted to your profile?

10. And don't you hate it when you go to post a song and realize that someone in your top friends list already posted it:(!

11. I've heard the myspace nation is at 2 million +/- now... Isn't that more populated than most geographic nations today?!

(Are you still reading this? Good for you:)...)

12. I need some new pictures for my slideshow. Does anyone have pictures of me they could email?

13. Those people who set their profile settings to "Private", it makes you wonder about them huh?

14. I might be more addicted to myspace than to Starbucks:)!

Truthfully, I'm just bored but I also needed to update my blog and thought I would/should do that instead of logging into myspace. It's been awhile since my last post here. Aren't you glad you stopped by? Don't you wish that you were a part of the myspace nation now? Go sign up if you haven't already and don't forget to add me as your "friend":)!

Good Day

Fingers poised, hovering over the keyboard...Waiting... The thoughts aren't coming together in my head like I want them to...I'm not even sure what I want to write about but I know I need to write. I need the therapy. Yes, I'm self-medicating:)!

There's the sound of a Little Touch Leapad in the background and Megan's labored breathing. She has just been diagnosed with childhood asthma. I'm not sure I believe the diagnosis...Or is it that I don't want to believe it? I'm not sure I want to consciously feed her steroids every day for the next two months and possibly the next year. I was assured the side effects to her are minimal, if any but I'm not sure...

There's also the sound of Benjamin singing in "Benjanese". We're starting to understand more of his efforts at communication now but he still gets frustrated with us. His nose is running incessantly as he mumbles something, sips from his cup and sings in between.

It's not the best day for me circumstantially but it is a good day. I get to be here with these two precious lives. I get to hear their singing, wipe their noses, tell them no, no NO:). I get to hug them. It's beautiful! I'm happy.

For now, no one else can touch them, hurt them, disillusion them, barge into their classroom with a gun... They are safe with me. I wish it could stay this way forever. I wish I could keep them safe from the outside evils. I know I can't...

It's a good day today. I'm going to soak up every minute of it:)!

Life as it Relates to a Margarita

I've been trying to think of an analogy for a margarita lately...Mainly because I love them. The weather is warming up and it is making them my favorite drink right now - aside from water that is:). In everything there must be balance *grin*.

Any way, the way I see it, a Margarita can relate to life in general. Nowadays there are many different flavors and varieties of Marg. You have your strawberry, mango, recently I discovered blackberry, etc. They can be frozen and blended or on the rocks with salt rims. It seems most restaurants have their own spin on Marg too. You don't have to look to far to find Marg in an original variety:)!

The quality and taste of Marg is largely determined by the quality of tequila that is used. Trust me, a connoisseur of sorts, there is a difference:). If you use a low end tequila you better have a good mix of Marg's juices and flavors. If you have a high end tequila the mix doesn't matter as much because you definitely don't want to mask the flavor of the tequila:)...

So how did I make this all relate to life? Quite simply really:). We all get to choose what flavor our life is by our attitudes. Sometimes it can be more sour than sweet, sometimes it can be more red than green:). Our attitude is like the Margarita mix. It will mix with whatever tequila you have on hand. Sometimes you need more attitude adjustment to compensate accordingly.

The tequila,in my analogy,is comparative to our current situation in life. We can have poor circumstances or we can be GREAT. Even if our life circumstances are prosperous and amazing we still have to choose our mix (attitude) carefully.

Wherever it is that you find yourself in life right now - just remember that you can control the flavor of it! I think I feel like I'm a strawberry margarita today - on the rocks with a salt rim:)... I'll let you figure out what mood that puts me in:)!

Thanks for checking in:).

XO

Focus

I think lately I've been very guilty of only looking at my world through my own perception. The trouble with this is that my perceptions aren't always the reality. After much soul searching I can see that I've convinced myself of things that I have no solid or concrete facts to back up - no evidence, only feelings, perceptions. It's easy to believe my feelings or my gut but it isn't always right...

Side Bar here: Thank God for a voice of reason, Eric!! He is also one of the most forgiving and non-judgemental people I know. He sees and believes only the facts most of the time. I truly admire and respect that about him - and need that in him.

So any way:), I'm trying to turn off my head and my jaded perceptions and view the world with a look of innocence again - like a child. I'm learning to believe that no one is really out to hurt me, or is talking behind my back, or is misperceiving me as I have done to them:). I want to turn off the protection mechanisms I've so carefully put in place over the years and love and accept others without judgement or fear of rejection. It's like getting back on your bike after a major wipe out and learning to ride all over again, knowing that you could get hurt but believing that the the ride will be worth the risk.

I believe this journey will make my life richer if I can complete it. I may have a few more "wrecks" along the way but I will also get to experience all the good that comes with the ride!

I'm taking off the glasses that have protected me and blurred my view. I hope I can be more authentic and see the world more authentically through eyes that are coming back into focus.

A Birthday Dedication to Alana

Sometimes a song makes you think of someone, but sometimes it does more than that...Sometimes it seems a song writer can capture exactly what is in your heart and thoughts for someone else. This song is one of them for me.

This is truly my wish for you Alana - for this year and all of your life! Happy 25th!

My Wish

By Rascal Flatts
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

and each road leads you where you want to go,

and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,

if it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,

all the ones who love you, in the place you left,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

and you help somebody every chance you get,

Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,

and always give more than you take.

But More than anything, Yeah, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish. Yeah.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

You Give Me Something

The title to this blog is also the title of one of my most current favorite tunes by James Morrison, but it also inspired this blog entry. Lately I've been given opportunities by others to advise them and offer my opinion, talents, etc. Often I take these opportunities lightly and don't really think much of them...Somehow today it struck me differently. It is an absolute privilege to have someone let you in and value your relationship enough to want to hear what you have to say. That they believe I might have something to offer is not something to take lightly. More deeply than that, in time, I will need someones help, advise, shoulder to lean on, etc. and they in return will give me something - have given me something in the past!

We really live interdependently on each other - it's impossible not too...Our lives would miss much!! God made us all differently for a reason...We can draw on each others strengths, talents, experiences when needed. Our lives are enriched by others. An example for me is music and the people who make it and move me with their sound, lyrics, talent. I could not sing to save my life but my life is fuller because others sing. I thank God for my friends. I need their gifts, conversations, perspective, support, love, etc to survive!

Where would we be without each other?! Seriously:)!

Humility

Dictionary.com defines humility as follows:

hu·mil·i·ty –noun
the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

My definition? Being loved, even when I don't deserve it.

Thanks Eric for loving me with more than words! You are a hero to me...

he·ro / –noun
1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.
2. a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal

Jealousy

Dictionary.com defines jealousy as:
1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.
2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4. a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

Can I whine? I looked up this word because I think that is the condition of my ailment today. I'm jealous. At 11:00ish this morning Eric calls me to see what we (the kids and I) are doing for lunch. Usually Eric comes home and I appreciate his sacrifice to do that everyday. I'm thinking when he asks the question "I'm doing the same thing I do everyday. I'll feed the kids and then I'll feed myself." But instead I answer, "The usual." Do you like this trip inside my head so far:)?

Well the reason he is asking is because he wants to go out with his friends and I know it. He tells me of plans to go to Old Chicago's and I just say "Go ahead and go." My thoughts not so calm and considerate:)...We get off the phone and I am jealous:)!

Warning: here comes the whining - stop now if you aren't in the mood:).
Everyday he leaves the house to go to work where he enjoys the freedom of breaks when he needs them. Going to the bathroom when nature calls uninterrupted. He can go to lunch without loading up two car seats and feeding two little mouths before he eats. He can have a beer at the office with the guys when the day is winding down. He can play their favorite computer game uninterrupted before he comes home. And then once he gets here his dinner is usually ready and the kids are winding down to go to bed.

My typical day: I wake up, I feed the kids. I clean up the kitchen. I get them dressed. If I'm lucky I get to work out. I get myself cleaned up - again if I'm lucky no major fights or injuries will erupt during this period. I run the mandatory errands or clean up the toys and clutter. Around noon I feed the kids. I clean up the kitchen and then its naptime. Yay my only non-guarenteed break:). Most days I am fortunate to have an hour or two to myself but some days Megan gives me trouble. I get the kids up, feed them snack and start with dinner prep. Feed the kids again, bath them and put them to bed.

Some days I think Eric's life looks like a vacation. I enjoy my kids and love the blessing they are, but today I admit it, I am jealous and longing for a lunch break and computer games and maybe even a beer! Must be nice:).

My Favorite Things...Or at Least the Beginning of Them...

I've been inspired by a fellow blogger and friend to create a list of my favorite things! It's a real feel gooder, especially after the week I've just had. I've been sick three times back to back to back! My kids have been sick off and on too, so needless to say it has been trying on my body, soul and spirit. This was refreshing!

My Favorite Things:
(Warning: this list can and probably will be added to and modified.)
Eric
My kids
Cuddling with Eric
Cuddling with Eric right before I fall asleep
The beach
Shopping and making my money go a long way (I like to average my purchases, number of items purchased divied by total price equals average amount per item. The lower the latter amount is the better I feel!)
Raindrops on my rooftop at bedtime
Naps
Snuggling with my kids
Going out to eat
Getting dressed up and going out
The way I feel when I finish a race or workout
Latte's - Starbuck or otherwise
Spending time with people I love
Reading good books
Writing when it really flows and what I want to say comes out the right way
Surprises - good ones that is:)
Christmas
The first snow
The smell of spring
The color of fall
Music
Sweaters, swimsuits and strappy sandals!
Massages
A clean house
Someone else cooking for me:)
Being healthy
Music that makes me want to dance
Dancing even if I look silly
Margaritas!!
Getting away with Eric alone for a date or a few days
Eric planning the date or the get-away:)
Puppies/Dogs - the bigger variety (such trouble but sooo cute and loyal!) - no we don't have one yet
DENVER BRONCOS
Family vacations
Honesty
Our kids giggling
Spending days on or at the lake
Hiking
Sleeping in past 7:00 a.m.
Time alone to do whatever I want
New clothes
New shoes
Chocolate cake
O.k. dessert in general (that's why I have to work out!)

I think that is a good start and I'm sure I'll think of more. It's nice to think of the things that make me happy and I enjoy. Very theraputic! Maybe you too should make your own list...:)?

When Things Come Full Circle

Life has been difficult this week. Lots of sickness in our household but we are managing. I didn't want to whine about the things we can't change but thought I would share with you a moment of silver lining in the midst of it all.

If you recall, Megan had a tremendously difficult time adjusting to preschool when it began last fall. It was a very frustrating season for both me and her. I was worried we would be labeled "those parents" and she would continue to consistantly paint us into that picture. However things have gotten better and this week when she had to stay home from preschool because of a stomach flu she cried. Not because she had to go but because she couldn't go!

It's a beautiful thing when life comes full circle!

Another Year or More Experienced...?

I celebrated my 28th birthday on Tuesday. It was a nice, quiet celebration with family...and a Rio Margarita - YUM! I got to thinking though, that I don't feel a day older than 18, and somehow 10 years have slipped by since then. I'm married, I have 2 kids, and my life has taken turns I never expected it too.

When I was young, my birthday represented another year! I was so excited to be one year older. That excitement kinda wained at 21. Now I'm thinking that as each year passes I'm not getting any older, I'm just more experienced - right?!:) I think when I turn 40 I'll tell people I'm celebrating many years of experience and that I'm still only 20 at heart. I might grow up a couple years by then:)!

P.S. (If you want another view of my life, I've been sucked into myspace. You can view "myspace" at www.myspace.com/mariontuin

Priceless

1 Beginner's Ballet Class for Megan $108
1 Registration for Ballet Recital $40
1 Pair of Dance Shoes $10
1 Leotard $11
1 Ballet Skirt $8
A Pair of tights $5

45 minutes once a week for 3 months of dance rehersal.

Watching the new ballerina take the stage for the first time...

PRICELESS!

Bittersweet New Years Day

Let me begin by wishing you all a Happy New Year.

Eric and I rang in the new year uneventfully last night:). We went to a party until the kids were absolutely exhausted and then came home and spent the last two hours of 2006 together quietly on the couch. I had to wake Eric up for my New Year's kiss at midnight but it was still very sweet.

This morning I was thinking about how nice a new year is. That it is fresh with no mistakes, regrets, etc. It is full of opportunity and promise. A new year can be whatever we make of it. I sat down at the computer to work on some birthday wish list requests as I was thinking of this and was stunned to discover the news that Darrent Williams, a Denver Bronco Cornerback was killed this morning in a drive by shooting (above title has link to team press release). I'm a HUGE fan of the Broncos and was actually googling team jersey's to ask for for my birthday when I stumbled upon the news.

Though I didn't know the guy I feel like I did. I'm sure many fans in Denver feel the same. It is wierd to know that not even 12 hours ago I was watching him play. Realizing the impact one life can have on millions - an athlete who showed up and played well for two seasons - has impacted my life. I'm saddened that his life, his goals, his career were abruptly cancelled. I'm saddened that there is a presence of evil in this world that causes others pain and suffering and I'm motivated to make my life count in this new year. I want to show up in the lives of the people closest to me and live well. If I can benefit and work hard for the people around me just as Darrent Williams did for the Denver Bronco's and for our city and state (cause most of us LOVE Bronco football!!) I will have kept my new year's resolution - maybe a lifetime resolution.

My condolances to the entire Denver Bronco organization at this time and to Darrent Williams family. I know words cannot heal, but my prayers for God's healing and comfort are sent with these words.

Snow Day

It's as if God decided all of us here in Colorado needed to slow down because we are getting socked in with a major winter storm! I love it! Stores are closing early due to snow, events are being rescheduled and people stayed home from work. The ones that did venture out in the storm are mostly concerned with getting home where they will be safe and warm to weather the storm (accept my husband of course - he is still working and plans to stay for awhile)...:)

If there is one gift on my list every year that only God could give me, this is it! A white Christmas and a cozy holiday! Thank you God for the early gift and the reminder that it really is better to slow down and enjoy the simple things in life.

My plans for the day? Hot cocoa, maybe building a snowman with the kids, oh and a little shoveling to help Eric out so when he does come home he can slow down with us:)! I have of course attached a few pictures of the weather which really don't do this storm justice. A view of the front of our house (top), a view from the back porch and my self-portrait and though it isn't awesome it makes me giggle:)! Maybe it will do the same for you!

Until next time....

Wasting Time

Sooo... I just spent the last two hours wasting time that I should have spent doing other higher priority tasks. It felt really good! It is the first time in a long while that I have allowed myself to do that. I thought since I was on a roll, hey what the heck, time to catch up on blogging:)!

I'm overstating the obvious when I say I've been busy - who hasn't right?! Christmas shopping, company Christmas party planning, Christmas cards, etc., etc., etc. I wish I had some exciting revelation or important news to catch you all up on but I don't. And maybe that is the lesson of it all - life gets by us unnoticed if we are too busy to pay attention. I think I slowed down just enough today to take notice...

Merry Christmas to all of you - just in case I don't post again before Christmas! I will be talking to you again in the new year if not before:). Hopefully before - but don't hold your breath:)! That could be really dangerous:)!!

Where Have I Been?

I know it has been awhile since I last posted. I'm not sure why my post on Benjamin's first birthday disappeared for awhile, but it is back up now, as am I:)!

I have been soo busy of late and I can't believe that half of the holiday season is already passed. I keep reminding myself to just relax and take in the moments but all too often I get wound up or caught up in the busyness of life and details.

I don't really have much to say except to remind you and me that life is precious and time once spent can never be earned back. Spend your time wisely. I think I would rather be rich with memories of time well spent and love given then materially wealthy. What about you? Give yourself the gift of time this Christmas!

Happy Holidays and I promise to post again soon!!

A Year

Our little son, Benjamin, turns one on Sunday! I'm not sure if I'm more shocked that a year has passed without me realizing it or that my baby boy is not a baby anymore!! I always thought time flew before, but have kids and you completely loose track of it!

I wanted more than anything with this blog to do a picture tribute to him to show how much the first year is a physical miracle of growth. The pictures below show Benjamin at birth, three months, six months and now.

Happy Birthday Benny! We're glad you are here! Life would not be as full without you!:)